he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
