No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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