the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
