wanna go halves on a baby?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Randomize
