My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
