Porn is love you can see.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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