You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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