oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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