Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
