She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
