Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
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Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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