Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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