i will never coherently bang her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
