after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
