In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
