I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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