I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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