talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
