Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
