For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
