If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
