I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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