Ambien. No doubt about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
