Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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