if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
