Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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