i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
