Your face is a jimmy john
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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