I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
