Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
