Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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