I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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