he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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