Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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