Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
