im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
