I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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