I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize