I just threw up on my dentist
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
