Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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