DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
