THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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