I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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