I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
