Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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