I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
