Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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