I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
