so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
