My room smells like vodka and shame
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize