I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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