i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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