What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
