Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
