yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
