Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
