I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
