all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
