hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
