dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
