i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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