there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
