I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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