Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
