guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
