You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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