i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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