Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
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It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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