sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
