I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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