is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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