I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
