did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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